I thought, isn't this similar to what happens in some homes, between members of a family?

If I come home and my wife says, "How was your day?"

Then I mumble, "Fine," walking straight past her to the TV ...to turn on a sports analysis program, not even an actual game, but just an analysis.  Well, I'd better quickly analyze the situation with my wife.  It may appear like nothing ...but few wives are content to appear like nothing.

If I feel a bit too comfortable with my routine, I could even more justify my actions by waiting until the sports show is finished and saying, "You don't seem interested in what goes on at my work anymore.  Why is that?" And I may even have the nerve to talk about it outside the home ...while continuing on with my selfish routine of serving my own needs and taking my wife for granted.

There's way too much of this immature, manipulative, "poor me" type of rationalization and gossip that we practice.  And it continues to go on ...because it seems to work, and it gets us attention.  Or it could be that we just think that we can tell another person our side of the story, then somehow it justifies our actions ...thinking that if they believe us, then perhaps we've also convinced ourselves.

And the reason it seems to work is ...there is little accountability.

People used to make jokes about their in-laws, and they probably still do.  Of course, that doesn't mean that including those outside the home does not pose problems at times ...but there is some good that comes from the outside sometimes too. It is called accountability, not gossip.

In truth, if you can't respect a person's parents ...then how can you say you truly are grateful for the ones who brought up the one whom you've professed to love for your lifetime?

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Pastor Myron tells of a wife who went to a therapist, feeling so despondent that she just had to talk to someone.

Therapist: "You look so overwrought ...what seems to be the problem?"

Client (hesitating, as she is overwrought ...and at first thought her therapist said she looks overweight, not overwrought): "Well ...I really feel embarrassed, because my problems are probably nothing compared to most of the people who come to you."

Therapist (smiles): "I don't look at problems as big, or small.  I treat all problems with equal importance; and charge everyone the same."

Client: "Okay, since I'm paying you by the half hour, I might as well get to the point as quickly as possible.  I'm paying you, to tell you my husband doesn't pay me ...any attention!"

Therapist: "Not uncommon ...how would you describe the common routine at your home?"

Client: "My husband gets home from work, and the first thing he asks is 'What's for dinner?'  I tell him. He asks me when it will be ready. I tell him a half hour, and he gets the dog's chain, saying he'll be back in a half hour."

Therapist: "And this is the standard routine?"

Client: "Yes."

Therapist: "Very interesting."

Client: "You may find it interesting, but to me it's frustrating. What should I do?"

Therapist: "Well, take a lesson from the dog."

Client: "What?"

Therapist: "Just jump up and down, and wag your tail ...and see if he takes you for a walk."

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Husband and wife become husband and wife on a certain day which they both agree upon ...called their wedding day.  And the two become one on that day.

It doesn't mean that the two will be in agreement with one another on everything ...it means they said they love each other. And that should not change.

If you get to the point where you feel you no longer love ...to get to this point, you not only have to put up walls ...you erect a place for yourself, elevating your expectations, your emotions, and your self-worth above all. This is not without exception, but it is usually the case.  And the usual case is, you view life through your stone tower, looking above what you would naturally see if you were down-to-earth.  

To get to this point, it would seem you would have suffered defeat, faced with a lie that you are of no earthly good to your spouse, or your family ...and that you can't even reconcile your differences, yet have full knowledge that God has reconciled with you in spite of your incomparable differences.

Why does this happen?

It is likely that God's thoughts on the matter have been taken out of the equation some time ago.

The equation is: the two become one.  So, separating means we divide the one ...and the result is a fraction.

And living in that stone tower, we see what we want to see.  

But, our children don't see what they want to see. They see us as one, and they love both parents as one.  If that gets disrupted, then everything can seem disruptive to them.  

One time there was a huge misunderstanding, and this led one of the parents to be so furious ...they couldn't wait for the other one to get home, so they began screaming how they felt as a rehearsal of what they planned to say.  After they were through screaming, the child in the other room pleaded in frustration, "I hate it when you two argue like that."  The child was not aware of what exactly was said, nor that both parents were not present in the next room.  If one was upset ...then the two could not be at peace, and the child could not be at peace.  The child may not have understood all the dynamics of it ...but understood something perhaps that the parents did not. The reasons did not matter, nor who was at fault ...but only that they could believe in restoration.

We don't see how we further divide our children, who naturally love both parents ...unless we unnaturally, and unacceptably teach them division also by forcing them to take sides.

Our children's hearts are neither as strong nor as hard as ours ...and they can't take it like we take it. And the worse that can happen is not that they may lose heart ...and become cold, as we have become. The repercussions can be more intense, and last much longer than we could ever anticipate.

Jesus said, "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea."